Things I hate...

I know, I know "hate is a strong word." Thanks for mentioning that. But I am going to start a list of all of the things I HATE.

This will no doubt upset some people (of the 4 reading this) but I DON'T CARE. Deal with it.

I HATE SCENTED CANDLES!!!

Who says I want to smell this, I'm sorry to say it but there just isn't another word for it, crap all day?

How do you know I like the smell you've chosen to whaft all through the office? Did I get a vote? Did anyone ask me???

And I know, I know, its just one candle....but that's the thing, it isn't just one candle. There are so many different scented candles burning in the office right now that I feel like I'm in a Yankee Candle or as I like to call it The Hell Store.

No. They did not. And I am too much of a coward to say anything to them about it but, dang.

Ladies, seriously, let's think about cooling it on these bad boys what do you say?

Caffeine

I love caffeine. Coffee, Diet Coke, Iced Tea...it doesn't matter. I love it. My new favorite form is the low carb Monster Energy drink. It is simply awesome. They have a 24 ounce XXL can that really packs in the caff.

There are two problems with this wonderful elixir. One I am not supposed to have caffeine as a result of a heart condition and two the can looks an awfully lot like a big can of beer.

Ok, for the first problem it really isn't a biggie. First of all what do doctors know about anything. How am I supposed to make it through a day with zero caffeine? I might as well not breathe. Secondly, I'm on medicine that keeps my heart beat under control, that's what its for. How do I know it's working if I don't drink caffeine?

The fact that it looks like a big ol' beer is a little more troubling. First of all, I am a recovering alcoholic. Then add on top of this that I work with Celebrate Recovery on the church staff and you can see why purchasing something that look even remotely like a beer gets my pulse racing. And don't forget I take medicine to make sure my pulse doesn't race. I am a huge beleiver that perception is reality, if someone sees me with what looks like a beer in my hand they will assume it was indeed a beer. That might not be fair, but it is true.

To make things even worse for me the energy drinks are almost always right next to the alcohol. I think this stems from the Red Bull and vodka thing, which by the way, never made sence to me. So say I'm in Vons and I need a little caffeine pick me up...to bad. They have it right next to the Buds and Coors and all of those guys. I won't go near that section.

All that to say I love Low Carb Monster Energy Drinks. I wish they looked less like a beer. I also wish my doctor would back off...what does he know anyway?

PS. I needed to look up the following words to make sure I spelled them right. Cafffeine, coffee, elixir, medicine and perception. I am a terrible speller which makes the fact that I majored in English even funnier...or is it more funny...

Celebrity sighting

I go to the gym during my lunch hour because I have two kids and my wife makes me stay home as long as possible. I go over to LA Fitness at what is usually a quite time of the day there. I'd love to work out first thing in the morning but right now it just isn't possible. Today though getting there around 1:00 was perfect timing. I got to work out with a celeb.

I wouldn't say he's an A-lister, or a B or C for that matter. But for a while there he was dang popular. I saw him and thought he looked familiar and then I saw it...the 98 Degrees tattoo on his arm. It wasn't Nick or his brother or the guy who looked like he was 40 but the other one.

In between sets he talked loudly on his cell phone. It was seriously so hard not to ask him some stupid question that you know he's been asked like a million times. Something like, "So do you still talk to Nick?" or "Do you still sing?" Something like that.

In the end I let him work out on his own but I will say this...

When you are at the gym, PUT THE CELL PHONE DOWN!

Back from Vacation...

My wife (Jeni) and I took our daughters (Maggie and Chloe) for a little vacation this last weekend. Our trip was basically designed around one thing...food. We have been dieting for the last two months so we took the opportunity to eat whatever we wanted.

I decided to do something for the first time on this trip and I engaged in one of those "menu challenges." You know that thing where if you eat this HUGE meal you get something for free. So I ordered the "AJ Gambler" a 35 ounce steak for $35. Eat the whole thing and get a free
t-shirt. I know, it doesn't seem like a great reward but still, I gave it a shot. My brother-in-law and my sister's boyfriend joined me in the challenge. Here are some things I learned:

1. If the food is bigger than your head you'd better be hungry.

2. Stay away from chips and salsa or anything else that will get in the way of the challenge food.

3. Medium-rare in a 35 ounce steak means raw...seriously, parts of my steak were cold. Opt instead for meduim-well to well done. The chef will butterfly your steak and the extra cooking shrinks the steak a good deal.

4. Walk away after the first gag...it will only get worse.

5. 35 ounces of steak is over 2 POUNDS. Even if you finish the steak it has to come out. This will not be pretty.

If I ever partake in this kind of foolishness again I will adhear to these lessons.

Anyone ever try this kind of thing?

So this is my first time posting and I've got to say, it feels a little weird. I'm not sure if anyone will ever read this but who knows.

By the way, the title of the blog comes from a Tom Waits song. If you don't know who Tom Waits is shame on you.

That is all for now.